PRE: Dear Theaters, Am I Too Young for You?

“Honey, you have to wait for your mom.”

“What?”

“You should wait for mom, to get your tickets.”

“Okay. Well I’m alone, so…can I just get my ticket please?”

Yes this is real. This really happened to me. I’m 19. I will not be ‘shading’ the theatre, because I don’t like to base an experience just on one suckish person. But this is just one of the things I have to deal with when going to theatre as a ‘youngin’.

Being spoken to like I’m 5 years old is pretty freakin’ annoying.
So, I’m gonna take a moment to just clarify some things:

1) I know I have to shut off my phone because it disrupts the performance - I’m not a complete savage.

2) And I know that you don’t want it on vibrate - but actually shut off. You don’t have to hover over me, trust me I don’t wanna be the as*hole that has their phone ring during the best part of the play.

Look at me go!

Look at me go!

3) I also know that some shows don’t have intermission thus there will be no ‘pee break’. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried going to restroom during a class with a teacher that has no regard for the body’s natural functions. So it’s safe to say I have incredible control over my bladder - but also if I have to go I’m gonna go, dude.

4) And finally - yes, I came alone. No, I’m not waiting for mum or dad or my ‘guardian’. Of all the weird sh*t that happens in NYC, a 15, 16, 17, 18, or 19 year old person going to a theatre show while not on a school trip isn’t so weird. I think if you took the time to ask me how I ended up seeing the show that night, I’d be elated to tell you all about an awesome thing called PXP.