POST: 'Koalas Are Dicks' - This Koala was wildin’!!

What it’s about:

When a forced to be famous Koala goes rouge from his TV show and locks himself in a motel room- his agent, co-star, wrangler, and hype man all try to knock some sense back into him. This fails- but hilarity & insanity ensues. Cocaine & hookers very much included. 

My experience:

I know what you’re thinking, Koalas cannot be dicks! They’re too busy sleeping or snuggling up with some leaves. 

Unless you have some strange irrational fear that these eucalyptus lovers will claw your eyes out in your sleep, then I’m pretty sure everyone who’s ever seen a Koala has audibly shrieked, “Awwwwwhh”!  Personally I dig Koalas. I like the fact that their noses take up most of their face. I like how they all resemble lil elderly people or fluffy gray Yodas. 


The only time I ever was like,  “Um, maybe I was wrong about Koalas” has been when I watched this video: 

And when I watched the show “Koalas Are Dicks”. 

This Koala was wildin’!! Way more than the psycho koalas screaming over the tree. Basically this Koala was placed into Hollywood against his will, and as child star Linsey Lohan can exemplify: Hollywood corrupts the crap outta you. And this was certainly the case with our furry friend here.  

The motel room was trashed, the Koala was chugging alcohol, snorting cocaine, desiring hookers - the whole 'bad boy' kit and caboodle. My eyes were glued wide open, my eyebrows plastered on the top of my forehead, and my jaw was just chillen on the ground. This show liked to shock you, I’ll tell you that much.


Although this show was constantly inappropriate, it really made me genuinely laugh. I’ve made a home in this type of humor, and seeing it onstage in New York City really was a dream come true.

Ever since I was young, I liked to get reactions out of people by saying revolting words and phrases such as and not limited to, “A Single Shining Butthole”, “Soggy Crusty Anus”, “Moist Flaps” etc. It assisted me in getting people out of their comfort zones, making people laugh, and ultimately entertaining the hell out of me. Many people may say that I could be crude, or crass for saying these things- but at the end of the day, we all have buttholes. At the end of the day, you don’t need to utter the word anus if you don’t desire to.

But me though? I will say that word loud and proud because it’s just a word and it’s just a hole. A lesson I learned in my youth is to not take yourself or life too seriously. Be able to laugh at yourself and your experiences, find humor in your pain, and I promise life will seem a lot more cheery, but it’s up to you to either accept the hilarity or avoid it.

Saying 'butthole' may not be your version of making life a little funnier, but you could always just write a play about a Koala that huffs gas with a male hooker? Idk, just spitballing here. 

Lessons learned: Don't mess with cute cuddly creatures from Australia, and learn to laugh a little. 


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