POST: 'Locked Up Bitches' - beatboxing and twerking

What it's about.

Pipsy is a well-groomed, rich dog living by Central Park. Then, one day she gets caught without a collar, taken to the all-female animal shelter Bitchfield, and finds herself dropped in the middle of a turf war between dogs and cats. 

My experience.

Are you here for New Stray Orientation? Awesome.

Are you a BITCH or are you a PUSSY?

Stop. Whatever the fuck you are doing right now, it does not matter. Go on The Flea's website, right now. Pick an upcoming weekend. If you want to have the most fun weekend night you could possibly imagine, if you decide you want to see a show at 11pm and start your night RIGHT, get a ticket to Locked Up Bitches right now. 

It took me a little bit to figure out what I wanted to say about this show, how I could... put into words the level of fucking craziness and awesome I experienced at this show. Like, how I could describe to you the WILDEST NIGHT of theater I have ever had? So, in lieu of words, I made a list in no particular order: 

  • They open the house up 20 minutes before showtime. My first sight was one of the heavier actors, prison clothes, a wool blanket, lookin' like a grandma, laying across about three or four of the front row seats, writhing around trying to find a good sleeping position.
  • Then, I noticed the other actor on the floor, between the seats. 
  • Then the one standing on top of the seat I was slowly moving to, with a microphone in one hand, attached to a speaker strapped to his back, beatboxing and twerking.
  • One actress was flailing like a fish on a stick around. Another was on the floor fighting it. 
  • The cats were going fucking crazy because somebody handed someone in the audience a laser pointer and holy shit. 
  • They just kind of interact with you the whole time before the show. I played catch with three different people, chased a laser pointer, and got preached to about Cat Power and the good word of our Lord and Savior Pussarus. 
  • "I want to fist you, so much." 
  • "THAT BITCH IS GONNA BLOW UP THE KITCHEN!" 
  • Right before the show started, two people sat in front of me and then produced, from thin air, a full bottle of champagne that was empty by the end of the show. 
  • "I want to use your vagina as my chew toy." 
  • If I had to summarize the alcohol levels of the entire audience, I would put us at a smooth Just-Passed-Tipsy.
  • "I'm not fucking singing." 
  • Actor: "I like dog food, don't fuckin' judge me." Audience member: "YAS! Preach, bitch!" 
  • Missing Dog posters were passed around at one point and one of the descriptors was, basically, "Nice piece of ass." 
  • I could definitely describe the plot, but it wouldn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense, because I was laughing for about 95 fucking minutes straight. 
  • THE BIRTHING SCENE. 
  • NO, I'M NOT DONE YET, IMAGINE A LITTER OF PUPPIES ON A STRING BEING TUG-O-WAR'D OUTTA THE WOMB OF A MOTHER DOG BY A PORN-STACHED POLICE GUARD IN A SPEEDO WITH THE MOST MAGNIFICENT DICK OUTLINE YOU'VE EVER SEEN. 
  • REREAD THE POINT ABOVE, I WANT TO STRESS IT. 
  • "I'm just a filthy, nasty bitch." Multiple Audience Members: "BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! You tell'em you nasty bitch!" 

The Flea Theater never fails to deliver, honestly. I haven't missed a single one of their shows in four years. 

But I have never, NEVER seen a show as fucking funny as Locked Up Bitches, and I would only expect it at the Flea. Hard, heavy recommend. 

See it:

Saw it?

Tell us about your experience.
In the comments below.