PRE: Dear Tall People

Dear Tall People,

Congratulations! On nothing, because all you’ve gained is an abundance of back problems and ruining shows for average people, like me. Okay, fine I’m sure it has it’s perks - just google any Buzzfeed list - but it’s particularly at shows where you’re killing my vibe, man.

I think it’s great that you’re out here, you know widening your horizons and such and so I’m here to call a truce. Let’s negotiate:

  • I don’t know if you’re familiar with the following phrase, but in my family we usually tell people blocking the view, “Carne de burro no es transparente.” Translation: Donkey meat isn’t transparent, meaning if all 6’2’’ of you stands in front of me there is no way we are watching the same show.

(Didn’t realize there was a seating section lower than Mezzanine - Azznine. Get it? Azz, cause all I see is your ass?)

(Didn’t realize there was a seating section lower than Mezzanine - Azznine. Get it? Azz, cause all I see is your ass?)

  • Before you say, “I don’t have any control over being so tall”, you do have control over being a considerate person. Even more when you have nothing to lose. If you stand or sit behind me and I’m shorter than you, you’re gonna have the SAME VIEW.

(Observe as Shaq moves through the room, his view of everything goes unaffected.)

(Observe as Shaq moves through the room, his view of everything goes unaffected.)

  • Same thing goes for those of you that cross over to being tall purely by the shear size of your hair. Dude, the haircut looks awesome, but you know what would be even better? If I could see the stage. The same thing applies to you about standing behind me - you will still have the best seat in the house, unless a 7-foot giant stands in front of you. Unlikely, he’s probably too busy being drafted.

  • Tall couples. I think you get it, right?
(Excuse me, yeah, your love is blocking my view.)

(Excuse me, yeah, your love is blocking my view.)

To not make this all about how much it sucks to work around your height, I do think a lot of accommodations could be made. Since, I’ve been asking for you to sit further toward the back - then you’d probably like to enjoy more legroom. I don’t think it would hurt anyone to have a couple more inches to stretch those long legs. I just wanna enjoy the show just like you do. Please restore my faith in humanity.

Best,

Christine Gordon (5’5’’)